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Friday, April 9th, 2004
5:02 pm - SC: I guess, forgiveness comes in different times.
I sat there and watched Xander and Buffy kind of go at it. In a way it reminded me of when Buffy came back to Sunnydale after dealing with Angel the first time around. Xander was hurt, my best friends were hurting and..

I couldn't finish my thoughts. "Xander, okay, so you're a little huffy and I guess rightly so," Xander just looked at me blankly. "And Buffy well you're a bit, well frozen, and I guess, rightly so."

Buffy just sighed at me.

Again, so not going well.

"Okay so we're all not very chipper. I get that, and maybe not all woo and hoo with forgiveness today, but us standing around looking at each other like this isn't helping either."

Xander just shrugged at me. "I'm not ready for this. Not now. I have to go."

Buffy blinked, "Wait Xand.."

"No. No waiting," he opened the front door of the house and left.

Tara squeezed my hand for reassurance. I saw Buffy look towards the door. "Buffy, he's just feeling well kinda moody."

Moody. Understatement of the year, I'm sure.

"Moody? Will? No. He hates me. Just like the rest of you. Don't blame you really," again with the big dramatic sigh breath.

"No Buffy, I don't hate you, and," I turned to Tara. "Neither does Tara."

Dawn raised her hand, "I don't either. But you're my sister."

"See, no hating. It's just you know um, you kind of went a little.."

She finished. "Crazy. I know. I can't change that, but if it wasn't for you guys, I'd be well dead. Again."

"All in favor of the not raising the Buffy again?" Dawn raised her hand.

Buffy walked closer to me. "It's okay Will you don't have to apologize for other people. I know I hurt you. I hurt all of you. And," she swallowed. "All I can do, is try to go forward."

"Hey, we're all still here, and, not like I didn't make a few mistakes either Buffy," I tilted my head at her. "Blackeyed girl remember? I mean I said some bad things to you too at some point."

Finally a smile, even if she wasn't all smiley girl. "Thanks Will. I need to go find Faith. That is of course if she still wants to talk to me."

I shrugged. "She's Faith. Five by five."

She put on a jacket and she was off again.

current mood: uncomfortable

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Friday, March 19th, 2004
7:15 pm - SC: I hope this works.
I had been standing outside of Giles house for awhile before Xander and Anya and Tara came out to talk to me with Cordelia. I think my frustration was showing even though I was trying to be hideaway girl. You know when you storm off you do it alone. But I guess there were a lot more important things to worry about.

So I guess I have to go and do what I do which is the magic, and I hope for once it works. I mean if it goes all kablooey we're really in trouble aren't we? I guess we couldn't be more in trouble than we already are. When I got back in, I started to gather my things. Faith, Spike and Wesley had already left to go find Buffy.

Everyone was looking at me again. I swear, now I know how Buffy feels when all eyes point to her. They were counting on me. I didn't know if this was even possible but if I could bring Buffy back from the dead, I was pretty sure I could at least slow her down enough to give Faith a chance.

"So Will, what do you need us to do?" Xander asks me sincerely.

I think slowly peering at everyone across from me. "Well I think in order to slow Buffy down we kind of have to take parts of the resouling Angelus spell and mix it with a little Slayer incantation."

"Sweetie are you sure you can handle that? I mean that's kind of dangerous," Tara looks at me worried.

"We don't have much else of a choice," I sigh.

Anya shrugs. "No, besides dying that is."

Giles makes an audible breath. "We're not going to die. Faith is very capable of handling Buffy and with Spike and Wesley, I'm sure that will help backup wise. Willow, I have some supplies from the magic shop here, so I'll go and get them."

Anya smiles proudly, "Yes goods that were bought from the shop!"

Cordelia just lays there on the couch and sits up, "My girlfriend. Always thinking of the important things," she says it jokingly and it makes me laugh because it just broke a lot of tension.

Anya grins widely, "Just trying to help. Wanna live!"

I turn to Tara, "Baby, I need you to anchor me, cause I don't know what's going to happen." She squeezes my hand with her good hand, "Of course sweetie."

Giles goes into the back of his place and brings out some supplies. A bowl, a mortar and pestle and some herbs. I begin to mix a little of them together, chanting some things, and Xander looks at me, "Will, this looks like what I ate for dinner last night."

Dawn peers at the bowl too, "Yeah ick."

I shake my head, "Well this isn't for eating trust me." I look at Tara, and I spread some of the herbs around in a circle. "Okay baby, I'm going to sit in the middle can you sit across from me?"

"Where do the rest of us sit?" Anya asks.

"Right there on the couch. I have to have quiet if I'm going to do this right."

Cordelia looks, "Why do you always have stinky herbs Willow? I mean really. Can't magic be less stinky? Ew."

I sit cross legged in the circle and I motion to Giles. "Giles can you light some candles in a pentacle shape around?"

He nods and then shuts the light with each candle around us. I close my eyes and take Tara's hands. I begin to picture where Buffy might be, and the spirit of Angelus is clearly present within her. I feel her grief going through me. I take shortened breaths. I can feel Tara begin to anchor me. Buffy's mind is completely clouded and her aura is completely shattered. I have to figure out the way to get it back to her.

I feel the flash and I feel a struggle. Faith and Buffy about to begin. Dear goddess, help us all.

current mood: magically channeling

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Thursday, March 18th, 2004
9:38 pm - GGW: It's about time we found each other
So Natalie and I are finally done with this club and no luck in finding Faith. I was getting a little frustrated, because come on, I totally figured Faith for the nightlife and I felt so silly in these well, these clothes. Natalie patted me on the shoulder, "Don't worry Willow, we'll find her. I promise. I don't want to lose both of you guys after Dylan and Alex."

I sighed. I missed Faith. I missed my girlfriend. I missed just seeing her. Okay, so not getting with the mush right now. We had more important things to deal with.

Just when I was about to give up, glancing at the sidewalk I heard a familiar accent shout at me. "That's them, stop, stop!"

And then I felt a tapping on my shoulder from Natalie, as I slowly looked up. "Willow, look that's Faith."

Suddenly my spirits lifted. I didn't even care how silly I probably looked in this outfit. I saw her running towards me and some other guy that looked like a cop with her. Oh goddess, I hoped she wasn't in trouble.

I met her before she had a chance to meet me first. I nearly tackled her with a hug. I say nearly because you can't really ever tackle a Slayer. I learned that with Buffy. You don't really tackle Slayers. You kind of, well hope you don't run into them, but my arms went wide and around her quicker than you can finish the end of this sentence reading it I'm sure.

"Whoa Red! It's good to see you too," Faith cooed in my ear.

"Oh goddess, I was so worried," I whispered. "We couldn't find you and.."

"Chill Will, I'm fine," she looked over at Natalie. "Ya alright?"

Natalie nodded.

I peered over at the cop letting go. "Faith, did something happen?"

She shook her head at me. "No, I mean I know this looks like something did, but it didn't. This guy," she turned to him, "Has been helping me out and all. Hard to believe eh?"

I blinked a few times. "Um, no, I guess. Maybe. I'm just glad you're okay."

She smirks at me. "Nice threads Red."

I lean backwards and look at her striped multicolored shirt. "Look who's talking."

There's that grin that comes across her face. You know the one that's kind of a half grin, half smirk. "Don't start, it's already been a trip."

The friendly, and I guess I say friendly cop looks at us. "You girls look like you've been on a journey. Your friend here doesn't sound like she's from around here."

I nod, "Yes sir, we sure have. We're actually looking for some other people, with Natalie here."

Natalie walked over and shook his hand. "Yes, we're looking for two of my friends, Dylan and Alex and you sir look like you could help us."

"Well, I'll see what I can do. Why don't you girls come down to the station and we'll go check out some leads."

So in a police car we go. I swear, if Buffy was here to see this she might be laughing.

current mood: curious

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Sunday, February 29th, 2004
1:54 pm - I'm so lost
So I'm sitting on Giles couch. The fabric is the usual colors. I look around the room and everything looks as it should be. There's nothing out of place. Nothing except Buffy's missing. Buffy, has been missing for awhile.

I guess for the first time I can remember, I'm not sure what to say. Giles keeps asking us to say something but I don't know what. What am I supposed to feel?

There's this long stares back between Wesley and Giles. The sign that I know how they get with their furrowed brows. It must be an English thing.

Faith keeps pacing and looking at her feet. She is thinking about Buffy.

Xander and Dawn are kind of huddled on the couch.

I don't want to let go of Tara's non-broken arm.

And Spike, I don't know where he is but I bet he doesn't want to get toasty again.

There's all this awkward silence and I feel like nothing's going to break it.

Until finally, I do, and take a deep breath. "So, Buffy, not here. We should, probably not sit here?"

"We're kinda trying here to think of something aren't we Giles?"

Giles paces, and takes off his glasses. "I'm not sure what we can do Willow."

I blink. "No there's something. We have to do something!"

"Like what Willow?" Xander peers at me.

"I don't know, but something. Better than sitting around. Buffy wouldn't want us to sit around. I mean okay so she almost killed us. Big deal, that doesn't mean we can just wait around."

Faith peers at me, "So what's your big plan Red, cause I don't hear any suggestions poppin' from your mouth."

I quirk a brow at her. "I'm not the plans girl."

Wesley blinks at me. "Clearly you're not."

"Hey. Wait a second, I'm not the one who was all woo and hoo with the desouling of Angel."

"Maybe if you had been more of a powerful.." He snarls at me.

Tara spoke up, "Hey, she is."

Xander shakes his head and looks at his feet with Dawn.

Giles shouted, "ENOUGH! Now, we have to figure out a plan. Clearly Buffy is not in her right state of mind. The only solution I fear is to.." and Giles can't finish.

I swallow. "There has to be another way. No one wants to finish your sentence. But maybe there isn't. Maybe," I stood up. "We've been thinking about this the wrong way. Like energy is this ball thing, you can't just decompose it that quickly out of someone. You have to find some way to harness it and channel it. Maybe what's in Buffy just needs to be extracted into some kind of container."

"It's not that simple Willow," Xander tells me.

"But it is, I can do it."

"No you couldn't save Angel, why would you be able to do this?" Wesley comes at me.

I curl my fist around, and some of Giles tea pots start to rise in the kitchen along with some glass that falls and smashes from my angry thoughts. "Wesley, it's not my fault, Buffy lost her mind."

"You obviously can't get it back." He goes into the kitchen to clean up the tea pots. "You have no control. No one has any control. The rest of you are unable to imagine the power of a Slayer truly in her rawest form."

Giles grabs Wesley by the arm. "Enough from you."

Faith finally speaks. "Wes is right," her voice actually lowered.

Tara comes over to me and tries to comfort me but I don't want to hear it. "I'm going outside. When you all decide that you think I'm nothing but some wrong witch let me know. But in the mean time, Buffy has to be taken care of."

I fly past Tara and go sit outside with my knees curled to my chest.

current mood: uncomfortable

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Monday, February 23rd, 2004
5:56 pm - SE: Xander's sick!
Okay journal this is so bad. Xander couldn't even come over yesterday because he was sick. Xander never has missed cartoons with me EVER on a Saturday!

He's never sick either! I'm not sure what happened. I called him and he sounded so pale and green. I mean not that you can actually sound that way I suppose, but he really sounded ill. So I took over some chicken soup, because my mom always says that there are good things in chicken soup to make you feel better. Like pencillin. I wasn't sure if Campbells had that but it seemed okay with the chicken and stars. I could be wrong.

So I go over there later on today and Xander's in the basement kind of not moving. "Mom? I thought I told you no more oatmeal.." He's all curled in the couch. I could see him sweating. His little hair had done some curls. He looked kind of cute. All Xander like. And sick, but Xander. "Nope, sorry no oatmeal today, just some good chicken soup," I approached the couch with caution.

He sat up slowly. "Oh hey Willow, sorry I missed cartoons, what happened on Justice League?"

"Oh well you know Wonder Woman did this thing with her bracelets," and then I demonstrated mock blocking bullets "But then Batman had to save her cause she got captured and..it wasn't that great this week. Wonder Woman shouldn't ever need saving!"

"Will, they work as a team," he said sighing. "Without Batman, Wonder Woman would be lost."

"But still..Nevermind." I opened up the bag of chicken soup and handed him the thermos. "I brought you soup! Mom says it should help you to be strong again."

He pushed it away. "Ugh no, soup, not so much."

I frowned. "But Xander you always like my mom's soup."

"Not today Willow."

"Xander why are you all poopy feeling? What'd you eat?"

"Pizza, I had an extra slice of Tara's pizza."

I sat in the chair across from Xander looking at him, he looked like he was getting sicker by the moment. "Hey Xander, do you have any samples?"

He blinked. "Samples? Why do you want that?"

"Well, if there's any way to figure out what you're sick with, a microscope would be able to tell."

"Um, no, crusties unless mom didn't wash my sweater."

I looked at my paper bag. "I'll take my chances." I looked around for some tweezers and found some and went over to Xander's sweater and sure enough his mom hadn't washed it yet. Yech. I pinched my nose and took the little crumbs off it and scraped it into the bag. "Well I got enough for a slide."

"Willow what if it's just food poisoning? I mean that's what it is, right?"

I shrugged. "I don't know Xander, I'm not a doctor."

I got up to get going. I wanted to check these things out at the school. "Feel better Xander, I'll see you at school okay?"

He sighed. "What if I'm dying!"

I rolled my eyes. "You're not dying Xander. Trust me. Death is kind of creepy."

current mood: worried

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Sunday, February 22nd, 2004
11:52 am - GGW: Need to get going and find Faith for sure
Natalie dragged me to these tiny vintage clothing shops. Only thing was, they weren't really vintage. Not yet. Vintage I thought, and I don't think I'm the fashion expert here, meant it had to be at least 20 something years old. And somehow I was going to get dragged into wearing bellbottoms. At least they would've been better than my overalls.

What? I mean, okay even I admit now me wearing overalls in my first years of high school, not exactly setting ablaze the fashion world.

Oh my goddess. I'm starting to sound like Cordy! We can't have that. Not now.

Natalie is flipping her hair back, and we walk into this store, that the sign reads, Way out Fashions!. Way out. Is this the lingo here? Because I'm trying to catch up I thought. This lingo isn't easy.

So Natalie's pulling me by the hand, "C'mon Willow let's get us in some cool clothes!"

Again way too excited about this and me, I just wanted to find Faith. I wondered if she was okay. I really hoped so. What if she had been taken hostage or something? I mean, okay maybe I need to get a grip. It's not like this town was teeming with unusual activity. Then again Sunnydale looked like a regular town didn't it? I mean I didn't even know it was on a hellmouth until Giles started talking that one day, but I digress.

This store was kind of tiny and there was some guy behind the counter. He was about 5 foot 8 and had the curliest afro I've ever seen with these dark shades. He had on fringed vests and a pastel shirt with these big bellbottom jeans. "Hey ladies," he slid, yes I mean he slid off the counter like he was in Starsky and Hutch. Okay remind me not to ever think of this allegory again. "My name's Paul. Like the cute one in the Beatles. What can a fine fellow like myself do for you today? You look like you need to be swingin' with the times."

I arched my brows at Natalie like who does this guy think he is?

Natalie outstretched her hand. "I'm Natalie and this is Willow. We're in need of some hot fashions. Think you can help us out with that?"

He snapped his fingers. "Think I can do that. Of course I can. You groovy girls came to the right place." He started walking around the store. "Got the latest in disco, retro, and," I saw him pull down a pair of hip huggers. "Sexual."

I cleared my throat. "I don't think we'll be needing that, but um, just a pair of jeans and a t-shirt."

He shook his head at me. "You're a sassy redhead, like that, like that in a woman. You must be all up with the liberation movement. Product of the 60s, be cool, be cool."

"Hey, I'm not a product of the…" I shook my head.

Natalie smiled and whispered to me. "I think he was trying to give you a compliment Willow."

I perked up. "Oh okay, well, yes, I guess, I want to be, um.. hip."

"Right, groovy, yeah, right this way." We followed him towards the back of the store and he took down some Halter tops and some jeans for us. "Try these on, these are what those Charlie's Angels wear every week."

Natalie and my eyes went wide and we both said at the same time. "You watch the Angels?"

He nodded. "Sure do, wouldn't miss those babes for a moment. Last week, I swore I saw two of them. Well you know they could've been. Hot chicks. Really hot. Tried to even pick 'em up, you know I like to hang with the ladies."

I grabbed the clothes. "Did you happen to get their names?"

He shrugged. "Sure did, even got their phone numbers. Dylan, like the singer Bob and Alex. Way hot chicks man, I'm telling you! They were so sweeeeeet looking. Hot mamacitas."

Natalie inquired further. "Phone numbers, do you think we could have them?"

He kind of scrunched his eyebrows. "Whoa, are you tellin' me they don't swing with the boys?"

Natalie moved closer to him. "Oh no Paul. They swing, we just want to have a party with you." She waggled her eyebrows at him and moved her finger down his shoulders a bit. "I mean to thank you for all these clothes."

He swallowed. "Right baby, right. Try on these clothes and I'll give you the phone numbers."

We both went into the dressing room after that and I felt so weird putting on these hip hugging bell bottoms and some halter top. I mean this was so not me. I walked out and Natalie looked almost like I did only I swear the halter top looked better on her. Maybe cause she was taller. Or maybe because she had breasts to fill out the shirt. Who knows?

"Check you out Willow! You look so cool!"

I paraded around the mirror. "You think? I mean.."

Paul sauntered over to me and whispered in my ear. "Sexual. Sexual revolution baby. With you."

I wanted to push this guy away but we needed those phone numbers. I turned around and tried to remember when my vampire twin came to town. I tilted my head at him. "You need to work harder at turning my world baby." I winked. "Hand me those phone numbers and we'll talk later." I did what Natalie did with her finger.

He gasped. "Anything for you sweet sugah baby."

So he got the phone numbers for us and it turns out that they were at some hotel not far from us. Or so we hoped.

Natalie kissed Paul on the cheek. "Thanks darlin' we'll be back. To party. Think we can keep these clothes until then."

He smiled wide. "You ladies can do whatever you want."

Now to find Faith and tell her what we know. Only I hoped she was at a local club or something. "Natalie," I began as we started walking. "Faith has to be around here. We have to find her."

God these platform shoes heels were hard to walk in. It made me think of Buffy and her constant patrols in heels. How on earth did she do that?

"We will Willow. Don't worry," she clutched the phone numbers on the pieces of paper in her hands and put them back in her pocket. "Maybe we should try the clubs."

I looked at my outfit. "Dressed like this?"

She winked at me pulling my hand. "You look perfect Willow. C'mon, there's got to be a local club around here somewhere. I bet Faith's already waiting for us."

She pulled me along to what looked like the local dance club. Oh Goddess, if I was going to have to hear Ring My Bell I think I might want to ring a few bells.

current mood: lost

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Sunday, February 8th, 2004
12:57 pm - NSS: Why I shouldn't be cooking
It's been quiet, which I'm glad to hear about actually. Because everyone needs a little quiet. Buffy called me up rather excitedly the other day talking about Xander, which means maybe there's happiness in the land again!

Okay maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and all but, it's nice to see. At least Buffy will be in better spirits.

And Katie said that Alex and Annie were doing things in her sandbox. Goddess, I swear, this is all I do. I fix them, they break. And me, little old me, has to constantly reprogram. You would think I'd start getting paid for this. There. I said, it. I deserve some kind of monetary compensation. Sheesh, do you think I'm beginning to sound like Anya here? Please don't tell me I am. But that programming is so tricky. One wrong wire and Annie will start thinking she's a hooker or something. Okay, you DID not hear me say that.

And that being said, remind me never to cook in our kitchen again. I mean, okay so here's what happened.

Katie wanted more cookies after the ones we baked for Callie and so there we were with some extra dough laying about. Tara had gone out to pick up some things from the grocery store. "Mommy, can I have some more?"

"Sweetheart, you already ate enough chocolate chips. Maybe tomorrow." I tried to wrap the dough up.

"But mommy, please! I promise not to get a tummy ache! I promise!"

I looked at Katie's pleading eyes. Like I can just resist them. Tara is so much better at this then I am. Not giving in to temptations from little children. But I swear baby there wasn't that much dough left!

"Alright, but don't tell Tara I gave you any extra okay? Because she'll get a little mad that you had enough sugar okay?" I kneeled down and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

"Yay! I love you mommy!" she threw her hands around me. Tiny hands. She's growing up so quickly. Pretty soon she'll make her own cookies.

And so I put the remaining dough on the cookie sheet and we went into the living room to watch some tv. And I guess I was tired cause I started to drift off with Katie in my lap and then all of a sudden I smelled something burning. "Mommy, mommy wake up!" I felt Katie shaking me.

Oh no! The cookies!

So then we ran in the kitchen. I grabbed some pot holders. Egads, the cookies were now black. I coughed with the smoke from the oven.

"Mommy," Katie frowned at me. "Why are the cookies black?"

I tilted my head slightly pursing my lips together. "Because they are extra crispy."

And the oven is kind of smokey. Tara's going to be upset. I swear, this wasn't my idea! Okay I'm not blaming Katie!

And now Xander's going to have to come over and fix the oven.

current mood: burnedcookieish

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11:52 am - SE: I keep forgetting
If you're wondering what happened to me writing in my journal, I forgot about it. I know how bad of me! I should be punished for it. Or not. But the fact is mister journal, I've been busy trying to figure out how to fix the computer. It keeps making all these bleeping noises.

And not good bleeping noises either. Like the kind I don't like thinking about. Maybe it's infected with some virus. It wouldn't surprise me. My parents are always looking around here, I don't know what they think I'm doing. I mainly use it for school and that kind of scares me, because what if they find something? I mean I'm being good. I only hacked kept a few things private.

I haven't seen much of Kennedy around lately and Tara too. I think everyone forgot about leaving their houses except to go to school! Even Buffy's sorta disappeared. I hope everything's okay at home. She doesn't say much lately. I think her dad being gone is bothering her though she hasn't mentioned it. She only gets this moody when that happens. So that's my guess. And Faith? I haven't seen faith in so long! And Anya? We used to all hang out and now everyone's gone away. I hate that.

Xander and I have been spending more time together I guess. We still watch our cartoons and joke about things. It's nice, at least he hasn't disappeared.

Okay, no more disappearing! Everyone has to come around or you know, I won't be very happy. And everyone knows what happens when I'm not happy! I get all flushed and icky and it's bad, bad bad. So please, I wish everyone would just come around more and then we could all hang out like we used to.

That sounds wrong doesn't it journal?

Or maybe it sounds right. I don't know.

current mood: lonely

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11:34 am - GGW: When did this become the 70s?
Ow, where am I? I don't know I thought. Last thing I remembered really was Natalie and I fighting with some ninja guys and watching Faith do the same. Then there was this swirling motion and then I felt kinda woozy.

Next thing I know, I'm awake in on some neighborhood street corner and I glance around. The houses are looking something out of a wacky Brady Bunch episode with the split levels and I'm looking at the cars, which all are very big and quite old. Not like Giles old either, but old as in green and pinto looking.

"Okay, this is looking more like the Wizard of Oz, and when did I not land in Kansas?" I mumbled out. My head I could feel was so big and had some kind of nasty sized bruise. I turned my head and I saw Natalie laying next to me, she sat up very slowly.

"That was some serious wind wasn't it?" I heard her say.

"Yeah Natalie, look around," I got up. "Do you notice anything different?"

She took her hands and wiped the grass and dirt off the seat of her pants. "Well besides the fact these jeans are ruined..Whoa!"

I nodded. "Yeah this place," I started to walk and saw even more signs that it was starting to remind me before I was even born. "Isn't Washington D.C. that's for sure. Come on, we should probably see if we can figure out where we are."

"Yeah good idea, maybe I can get a new pair of pants."

Sheesh Natalie was beginning to remind me of Cordelia. But that wasn't horrible either to think of. At least, not that I'm aware of. I could be wrong. Who knows?

Down a couple of blocks we turned and again more signs that I was beginning to think not only were we not in Washington D.C. but maybe we weren't in 2004 either. Hello people with afros and bellbottoms and hip hugger jeans on the girls. Not that I was noticing any new girls. No, I only look at Faith. Okay well maybe I do look at other girls but not like look in that sense and if I was really looking, do you think I'd be writing.

And I'm getting off topic here. The main important thing was to figure out where Natalie and I were and what happened to Faith too. See, I can be all focusy when necessary. We needed something, maybe a newspaper to figure out what day it was, because it no longer was nighttime and maybe I was beginning to wonder, what year it was. Could we really have left something?

We couldn't keep wandering around aimlessly that was for sure. "Natalie, do you get the feeling that we're not in our current year?"

"What makes you say that Willow?"

"Um, look at that," I pointed to a old mustang. It had to have been from the 70s. If Xander was around I'd ask him. "And that" my finger moved to a woman walking who really did have those hip hugger low rider jeans on, and her hair was straight out of Mary Tyler Moore if you get my drift.

"Oh, well you know that kind of thing is coming back in fashion."

"That's not what I meant Natalie, I don't think we're where we were before."

"Where do you think we are?"

"I don't know, but it's making me think we took a trip a long way from home. C'mon," I took Natalie by the hand. "We have to find Faith."

"Do you think she's hurt?" Natalie asked me sincerely.

"I don't know, knowing Faith she may be chatting it up with some local boys, because this is what she does, on occasion."

"Oh well, you would know better, wouldn't you?"

I nodded. "I do."

So we went around looking for clues and I thought maybe if this town is small enough it's got to have a library. And sure enough it did. I walked in and everyone just stared at Natalie and I. I guess our clothes hadn't been changed, and I was still kind of tattered. "Willow," Natalie whispered into my ear, "Maybe we should, um, try to blend?"

"And how do you propose that?" I arched a brow. "Not like we have any clue where we are?"

"Shopping! Come on it'll be fun. We get to find new clothes."

I sighed. "Okay but I am not trying on anything leisurely!"

And with that we headed off to some shops. This whole thing is seriously creeping me out. Where are we? And where is Faith? I hoped she wasn't hurt. I felt like I was on some creepy episode of the Twilight Zone. Does this mean that I'm going to have to wear a mask like in that one episode where everyone had masks on? And what's with the John Travolta look-alikes here!

My head hurts.

And I am not wearing platform shoes. Those things look so uncomfortable. Natalie was far too cheery about this. Faith, where are you? Save me, really from this. I don't think I can handle this.

current mood: confused

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Sunday, February 1st, 2004
10:28 am - SC: I'm not sure what to think but we have to do something
Everyone's in so much pain but I think this is really obvious and I'm probably not going to add to any of this. Tara's arm is broken, Xander is cut up, Anya is bruised, even Cordelia's shoulder is causing me a shard of pain to go right through me just looking at it.

I don't even want to talk about how Faith looks because that just causes me even more of an upset feeling in my stomach. I don't know how to deal with all of this very well.

And Giles keeps pacing in his house. I think he and Wesley are unsure of the way to proceed and what's that keeps piling on top of my head.

This is all my fault.

I brought Buffy back from the dead. She never wanted to be brought back but I was selfish then thinking everything would be fine. Sure, she was fine, and then we had to go to LA. And I couldn't resoul Angel and poof, Buffy's so lost. And she's nearly destroyed everything I know she worked so hard to get back.

That's just it you know? I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to make it better. I wish I could. I wish I could do a lot of things. There's no magic that's going to fix this, no matter how many times I've looked through the books. No matter how many times I've gone over the spells.

I'm not sleeping and Tara senses it. She's feeling it too. We are all feeling the weight of so many worlds right now on us.

I don't want to think about the consequences but I have to and it's making my head wanting to explode. Buffy's so lost and I can't find her and her essence is all over the place. It's like she's not really there. No one wants to think about that Buffy maybe can't be saved.

I've always been the one to stick up for Buffy when no one else would. I think I'm probably the one who maybe needs to talk about truth here, but it doesn't want to be said. I feel like I'm going to have to turn against someone I really care about but Buffy doesn't seem to want to care anymore. That's what is hard about all of this.

I know everyone will disagree. I know we're going to have one of those arguments, like we had in high school, when Angelus had killed Jenny and everyone yelled at Buffy. Except for me.

But that's just it. Maybe I'm the one who has to do the yelling.

I am going to have to tell Giles what I think. Everyone's been so bruised. So I guess maybe it's time now to take back less of the bruises. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.

Maybe not.

I don't want to turn against her but I have no choice. I have such guilt. I have such terrible terrible guilt.

current mood: guilty

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Sunday, January 25th, 2004
12:59 pm - SC: Oh my god, my baby!
I didn't want to leave Dawn alone, but I had no choice. Tara was in terrible pain, the worst pain I think I've seen her go through some time, since maybe her brain was mush. I hoped the spell would hold. I held on to her tightly as I got in Xander's car, that he let me borrow. I opened the door quickly and Tara slid in. I got in on the other side.

"Hold on baby, hold on," I kissed her forehead quickly. Goddess she felt so damn vulnerable, and it was my fault, if I had just done the ritual in enough time, Buffy wouldn't have gone nuts and we probably wouldn't be going to the hospital.

I drove as fast as I could, well without getting a speeding ticket. I pulled into Sunnydale Memorial and I rushed Tara in to the Emergency Room. Did I mention I still think hospitals creep me out way much?

I still myself hadn't fully recovered from Buffy's little fun time with me. And I'll get to that in a minute but I have more important things to worry about right now then my former best friend and her lovely forays into how she wants to kill us all.

Luckily we didn't have to wait long. Usually at Emergency Rooms they don't care much unless you are dying, or well, dead, but not this time. "Right this way," a nurse led us into an examining room. I guess she noticed the bloody cuts too. "Willow, it hurts, it hurts," Tara cooed in my ear. Her arm was so badly bruised. I tried to think of some healing spell that would help, but my brain was so scattered. I was so damn worried about her.

"I know baby, I know and it's all my fault," I sighed. "It's all my fault," I bit my lip trying for the tears not to fall. Be strong Willow, I kept thinking. Be strong like the Amazon girl that Tara says to you. Be strong. I couldn't. These tears kept falling.

"N-n-no Willow it's not," she glanced at me. "Buffy did this. Not you."

These words weren't helping. We needed a doctor. We needed one badly. Finally one rushed in. I looked at her nametag. She shook my hand, she was I guess, in her mid to late 30s, with long brown hair and sharp blue eyes. I still grimaced. I could feel pain right in me from Tara. "Hi, I'm Dr. Warren and you must be Willow and this must be your…"

"Girlfriend," I answered. "This is Tara, she's hurt, please help her."

She smiled at me. "I was going to answer that next but don't worry Willow, I'll see what we can do here," she approached Tara. "Let me have a look at your arm Tara."

Tara gingerly lifted her arm. I saw Dr. Warren glancing at it, and touching it. Tara flinched. I squeezed her other hand tightly. "It's a clean break. What happened?" She looked right into Tara's eyes. Tara couldn't speak.

"Really Doctor Warren, I appreciate your concern, but right now even if I could explain it'd take all night and we really have to get a cast on her. Please if you could just do that."

Dr. Warren grabbed her clipboard. "I understand your worry Willow, but Tara will heal. It'll just take 4 weeks for the cast to come off."

I blinked. "Four weeks?"

Tara's eyes went wide. "F-f-four?"

She nodded. "Tara you have fractures to your wrist and to main bone that runs up the arm. I could give you the technical term. But the healing takes some time. Unless something magical were to happen and you girls don't look like those kind of women, so let's get you in a cast." She helped Tara get down.

"Can I come with her to the x-ray room and to the casting room?" I pleaded.

"Sorry Willow, it's best if you just wait. She'll be out soon. I promise." Dr. Warren led Tara to get her cast.

I sighed. About a half hour later, Tara came out with a cast on. I ran over to her and hugged her. "Oh thank goddess you're alright."

Tara nudged me and showed her cast to me. "Guess I'm not the fighter huh?"

I smiled. "No, you're the lover."

I took her hand and we headed back over to Giles. I can't even imagine what's gone on.

current mood: worried

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Thursday, January 22nd, 2004
5:47 pm - SE: Valentine's Day
Okay journal, bad me again for neglecting you, but its' been really busy here! I mean okay so Valentine's Day passed and it was kind of cool. I mean all things considered, not that I'm really big on hearts and all but everyone liked the bulletin board that I put up! Ms. Wilkins said it was the best design ever and she said that she was going to actually take a picture and send it to the Mayor. See, I cut out all this red construction paper and then some really cool lettering saying, "Happy Valentine's Day" and then took some sparkles and some glue and got it all to stick. It was really bright and really pretty!

Then it was time to do the whole be my Valentine thing. Now journal, I totally didn't think about this, I mean who really wants to be my Valentine but I had to get things for everyone anyway. I got Buffy one of those heart starred t-shirts. She thought it was kind of cute and actually fashionable. And then I got Tara, a bracelet with little hearts on it that read with a tiny note that read, "Friends love each other." I know kind of silly, but she smiled anyway and all.

For Kennedy and Faith, I got them both little statues cupids with an arrows. I know really stupid but I thought hey, arrows! And Kennedy and Faith are learning how to use all of that so I thought it would fit. I wasn't too sure what to get Anya but I got her a little stuffed bear with a heart. I thought since she really doesn't like bunnies this would be better for her. And ugh I had to even buy Warren and Harmony things but I just got them cards cause really I didn't feel like spreading any love to them.

And finally for Xander, I decided to do something really silly. I bought a bag of those heart candies that read, "Be Mine" and wrapped them up in some little cellophane bag, with some red ties. I gave it to him and he smiled a whole bunch. I think he thought it was kind of funny.

So that was Valentine's Day. Everyone else got me gifts but I'm too tired to write about it now!

current mood: happy

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Sunday, January 18th, 2004
11:42 am - NSS: Things calming down
I spent the better part of yesterday reprogramming Annie. My gosh was her mouth one big potty! It kept saying that word, which I'd rather not mention. It took forever, but I think I got it under control. It's hard to tell really, if it'll stick. But I keep trying. I'm not one to give up easily.

So since Buffy took care of the demon along with our help (and I'm really happy that spell for Kennedy worked, I was kind of worried) everything appears to be calming down. Well calming down in the sense the sun came back out and there's been no rain.

Tara and I have gotten back into our routine of you know, cuddling and the like. Katie's a bit hyper again and I think I have to remember not to add so much sugar to her diet but it's hard not to give into her cute smile. I love my daughter, and I love the fact she's able to smile again. Callie's been a real help with everything. I think she enjoys being in Sunnydale more than LA. I think she's over being with Faith but it probably smarts at times for her to deal with it.

And Buffy and Xander I hope are going to finally get all of this resolved. Xander had to go to LA again and I think it's weighing on Buffy's whole mind. But I know she'll figure things out in her own way. She always does. And if she needs to talk about it I'll be here.

So yes, I think things are okay. Which probably means in a little while they won't be. Today is Sunday which means it's a lazy day. I should probably clean up but I'm too lazy to do so. And besides why leave the confines of a comfy girlfriend like Tara? I mean if you had your choice of staying in your girlfriend's arms or vacuuming which would you do? I think I'm firmly staying in my girlfriend's arms, thank you very much.

Yes so much in the way of cuddling will be done. And no silly cleaning. I have a feeling though Tara will nudge me as she often does to get up. No, no no, I'm staying in this bed. And I'm not moving until significant cuddles are made along with some smoochies. If that's not motivation enough for her to come back to bed, I don't know what is.

current mood: horny

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Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
4:41 pm - SC: Drained. Have...to keep going
I was drained in all possible ways. Wesley drove as fast as he could. I had done a few too many energy balls at Buffy that nearly took everything out of me. Not to mention, ouch, with the body hits I took from her and punches. There wasn't time to think about this.

I wanted to tell Wesley more, but we had to get home. He nearly blew past Giles and when Giles finally answered I saw Xander, Dawn, Tara, Faith, Anya, Cordelia and even Spike in the corner all looking like they had just seen a ghost enter. Wesley quickly filed in and Giles gave me a hug but went to take care of Wesley.

Tara sprang off the couch, she saw the blood on my eyebrow. "Willow!" She called and grabbed me into a hug and next thing there was Xander and Dawn. Even Anya gave me a slight hug. "Oh thank god your alive. Now we can stop dealing with the possibility of all that death."

"Uh guys, I can't breathe." They let go. "I s-s-should go get a first aid kit," Tara quietly said to me. "Who's he?" Tara looked at Wesley moving with Giles. "That's Wesley. I'll explain later baby, I promise. Can you get me some ice?" She nodded. "Sure."

Faith wasn't moving. This was going to be the hardest on her, and I knew it.

I looked at everyone. "There's no time for that," Wesley came into the room a short while later. He needed a hospital. I probably did too. "Buffy is coming."

Faith still sat there silently, I saw her take a deep breath though.

"Yes, it appears Buffy, from what Wesley has told me is somehow transformed after her battle with Angelus," Giles said very matter of factly.

"You mean she's going on a killing spree after dusting Angel, just say it, I knew she was still insane." Cordelia blurted out. "Good job Wesley."

I saw Faith curling her fist and I had to speak up. Tara handed me the ice pack she had gotten from Giles freezer and took out some band aids trying to clean some of the wound on my eyebrow. I flinched slightly. "It's not totally Wesley's fault, I mean okay so he did desoul Angel but it's mine because I couldn't resoul Angel in time. The ritual, the orb wasn't steady and something just kind of went kablooey. And when Buffy came back.."

Xander opened his mouth, he was holding Dawn quietly. "She wasn't the Buffster, was she? Damn it." He muttered.

"It's temporary though." Wesley had his hands in his pockets. "By all indications the effects do wear off, it is just not clear how."

Dawn looked at us her eyes wide. "That means you and Tara could do a spell and fix it right? I mean. Buffy can be fixed."

"I don't know Dawnie, I mean, we don't even know what we're dealing with." I sighed.

Dawn folded her arms. "That's not good enough! My sister is out there and that's all you can say! You brought her back from the dead, why can't you?" She sobbed and then collapsed in Xander's arms again. Xander was trying hold back his emotions. I knew what he wanted to do and he couldn't. He wanted to run to Buffy but he couldn't.

Faith started to tap her foot nervously. Wesley looked at her and I pursed my lips. Giles had removed his glasses and looked at us. "I realize that we all want to do something but we can't be rash, if Buffy is indeed not herself, as all signs indicate, we have to prepare and figure out a way to solve the problem."

"Before she kills us right?" Anya blurted out. I sighed. "I mean that's what she's going to do. Like Faith used to."

Faith's hand started to shake and stood up. "I gotta get out. Air. Need. Air. Now." But before she could even move, Spike shouted. "Right well ain't this a grand one?"

"Silence peroxide boy, we didn't ask your opinion," Xander looked at him. I was about to do something but ow couldn't move.

"Oh like you could say anything. If I recall you needed saving more times from Buffy than anyone else," Xander stood up and got in his face and Giles tried to get in between.

But before anyone knew it, Faith had gotten up grabbed a stake from Giles coffee table, and grabbed Spike by the throat and pushed Xander down back on the couch next to Dawn. "Both of you shut up!" She threw Spike to Giles counter near his kitchen and drove a Spike near his chest. "I don't care if B's got a thing for you and your soul bit, but I don't. Now, unless you want some good wood shoved up your Blond undead sack of skin I suggest you shut the fuck up, got it?"

We watched him nod and he got up. "Right, well I'm not staying here."

"Spike you can't leave," I looked at him. "What if you run into Buffy?"

He shrugged fixing his trenchcoat. "Seems to me that you're all going to have a Slayer's problem. Maybe right here." He pushed past Faith and Wesley and bailed.

"So what do we do now?" I asked Giles.

"You get some rest. You're hurt Willow," he looked at me. "We can't do anything until we know how to deal with the situation." He looked back at Wesley, "You as well. You need a doctor."

"What if Buffy comes to us first Giles?" Xander asked. "She's not herself."

Faith looked at us all. "Then I'll deal with her." Wesley tried to say something but Faith's eyes shot back at him. "Since you guys did such a bang up job already. I gotta go for a walk." Wesley again tried to speak. "Save it. I'm not ready to talk to you."

She left.

I felt woozy. Like I was going to throw up. "Will?" Tara looked at me. "Will?"

I just passed out.

current mood: drained

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Monday, January 5th, 2004
5:53 pm - SE: Valentine's Day. Not my favorite day
Okay Journal so Valentine's Day is coming up in another week and of all the holidays this is probably the one I really have never liked. Not only do I think it was pretty much created by Hallmark and all, I don't think I ever really have had a Valentine. Part of me wishes Xander would be it, but I think he likes Buffy.

Anyway so pooh on Valentine's Day but Ms. Wilkins is making us get things. Plus I have to work on the bulletin board displays in the school's lobby near the principal's office. That's going to be taking up all of my time after school. And I have to hang it up in the library too. Since when am I the committee for all things Valentine's Day? Ms. Wilkins says it'll look good for activities. And my parents say so too. They say that it'll be good for my head to be part of something bigger than myself. What's that supposed to mean anyway?

I think sometimes my parents just say things and expect to understand all of those big words they use. I mean I do a lot of reading but even I don't understand all of the psychological mumbo jumbo they use which goes whoosh over my head a lot of times.

And I don't know what I'm going to get for everyone for Valentine's Day. I mean I could get cards and chocolate. Isn't Chocolate what you get? I love Chocolate. It's yummy and the best part is, you can eat it and it's kind of useful in that fashion? Still, this whole kind of day is just made for that kissing stuff that I really don't want to think about. Mom said it's something that she and Dad don't participate in much but that I should so that I can be more social.

But what does that all really mean?

Now my head hurts just even thinking about it.

current mood: poopy

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Sunday, January 4th, 2004
1:41 pm - GGW: Okay this is so not today anymore is it?
Natalie walked me back into the main living room and Faith and Bosley had joined us. I plopped myself back on the couch and whispered to Faith, "Any good weapons?"

She nodded. "You could say there were some pretty sweet toys in there yeah. Sais, I'm totally diggin' it."

Bosley cleared his throat. "Charlie, I believe we have two new angels for you."

I blinked. Angels? I keep thinking of Angel. Angel in Los Angeles. I haven't sent him a postcard in awhile. I really should. "Oh sure. Right."

I heard the booming voice over the speaker on the desk. "Excellent. Natalie have you explained the plans to Willow?"

"I have Charlie."

Faith actually raised her hands. "Whoa, B here didn't tell me about the plans. Now, I don't mind helpin' another girl out and all but what's the deal?"

I heard Charlie chuckle slightly. "Bosley sometimes overlooks tiny details. Faith, you and Willow will accompany Natalie tonight to the Lincoln Memorial. Dylan and Alex were last spotted there."

"Spotted? You mean they've gone missing?"

I nodded. "Yes Faith we have to find them. I have their last transmission. They disappeared."

Bosley handed Natalie, Faith and I folders with pictures. "Natalie is very familiar with what we're after."

Charlie's voice percolated through the speaker again. "It is essential we find Dylan and Alex at all costs. The diamond if it falls into the wrong hands, I fear the worst for us."

Is it me or is Charlie kind of like one of the Watchers? I bet Giles would be interested if he were around. "So we have to track their location, find Dylan and Alex and stop the bad guys too?"

"Precisely. Good luck Angels."

Natalie stood up. "Let's go."

Faith looked at me slightly confused. "Red, I'm still not getting this at all. How can two girls just disappear," she snapped her fingers. "Like that. I mean I'm sure if they wanted to be found they would."

I shrugged. "Faith, you know how people disappeared in Sunnydale. Okay maybe you don't remember, but my guess is that there's something else going on here, of the supernatural variety and not so good."

"Right. I knew that." She put her hands in her pockets.

We started towards the Lincoln Memorial. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a lump in my throat.

Natalie glanced at me. "Okay here's the plan guys," she whispered. "Willow, see if you can track any traces of possible goings on near Abe up there. If there are any traces of Dylan and Natalie they'll show on this," she handed me a tracer. This was starting to remind me of the Initiative.

Natalie turned to Faith, "You'll keep a lookout if our trio friends show up."

She nodded. "Fine by me."

"Got it." I started up the stairs. Is it me or is Abe Lincoln way creepier at night? I got to the top where Abe sat and ran the tracer around. It was strange, I was picking up these weird vibes. Like disjointed auras and all. Parts of Alex and Dylan were there but not. I didn't have much time though to really think about it though because next thing I saw was this black ninja guy in front of me karate chopping me.

"Willow!" Natalie called out.

I glanced around, I was surrounded by three ninja guys. I ducked out of the way or tried to.

"Red! Damn it Natalie, no one's supposed to be here! It's a freaking dead guy's tomb!" I heard Faith's voice full of anger and saw her get into some defensive fighting stance drawing her sais.

I was picked up and hurled by the ninja. Last thing I saw was 4 of them moving in on Natalie and Faith.

current mood: blackedout

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1:12 pm - EM: Why I don't live with my parents
The New Year often brings resolutions. Now if you ask me, mine's just to keep doing what I'm doing, maybe actually do some more reading because I'm still all about the book knowledge gal. Oh yes, and not to die in Sunnydale. It's always a bonus.

So after Ms. Potter stopped by and gave us those awful cookies, I thought Tara and I could've spent some quality time just relaxing. But no it wasn't to be really because the next thing I heard was another knock at the door. Tara was in the kitchen cleaning up the great cookie disaster from Ms. Potter and then came back in and we were about to engage in some well New Year's celebrations of our own and then there was a knock.

I answered it and my jaw dropped. It had to have been some evil vampire. No wait, it was the middle of the day, hence no vampire. I thought possibly maybe demon. But they are usually not so polite with a knock. No it was something far worse than all of this put together.

It was mom.

Sheila Rosenberg in the flesh. At our apartment door. "Hello Willow."

Tara came out of the kitchen and looked at me, "Sweet-oh. Hi Mrs. Rosenberg."

"Hello girls, I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in for a visit. I know I usually call but there wasn't much time. Aren't you going to let me in Willow?"

I tried not whimper towards Tara. She just gave me a look of be nice Willow this won't go so badly.

Sure, I thought. As long as mom isn't enchanted by some demon who wanted to burn me at the stake that one time and Buffy along with Amy, we're just fine. "Sure Mom. No problem at all."

It didn't take long for my mom to give her opinion about where Tara and I lived. She went on about how the place was a mess. Tara couldn't take it and finally interrupted with, "Mrs. Rosenberg, can I get you som tea?"

"Oh that would be very productive of you Tara. Thank you." Mom sat on the couch glancing at me.

Guess I was on my own here. No saving from the great girlfriend.

"Mom, not that I'm not happy to see you," total lie continued in my head, I thought sitting across from her on a chair. "But what brought the prompt visit, I mean you usually do call. Not that I was expecting a call, but it would've been nice to at least um, prepare. Yes prepare for a visit."

"Willow, that's exactly why I came. You never call your father or I, and we haven't even seen that Bunny or Xander friend of yours in ages. I was worried that you were disappointing us again, with your friends."

I took a deep breath. "Mom, it's Buffy. And maybe this is why I don't call. I better go see if Tara needs help with the tea."

I got up from my chair and sighed going into the kitchen. "She's impossible," I muttered under my breath. "I mean, completely this is so unfair. I mean here she is showing up, without even calling us. Who does she think she is? The president. I mean it's ridiculous."

"Will?" Tara was fixing up the tea with bags. She came over to me and pulled me into a hug. "She's your mom. We'll get through this. Together. I promise." She kissed me softly on the forehead.

I smiled softly. My baby always knew how to reassure me. We headed in there with one thing on my mind. To be well, better. Better than before. Just one problem. My mom still doesn't know I'm gay and doesn't know that I'm with Tara.

She brought the tea out and placed it in front of my mom. "Thank you so much Tara. You're always so polite. Perhaps Willow could learn a thing or two."

Tara didn't say much except thank you and ducked her head and pulled up a chair next to me. "It's n-n-nice to see you Mrs. Rosenberg."

My mom said nothing and sipped her tea. And this is when I spoke up. "Mom there's something I need to tell you."

"Oh Willow, please let it be that you're not dating some musician again."

I took a deep breath. "Oh Oz, no, he's long gone."

"Thank goodness, he seemed a bit strange."

A brief memory stirred in me about Oz. "No he wasn't. He just was stoic, that's not the point. Mom, Tara and I have known each other a long time."

"Yes and she's simply a lovely girl." Tara glanced upwards and smiled softly.

"She is. But she's my girl." Somehow I didn't think my mom was going to take this like Buffy did.

"Your girl? What do you mean-oh." My mom nearly dropped her tea cup and then stood up. I felt Tara's hand go instantly for mine, squeezing it. "Willow that's impossible. I think I liked it better when you were dating that Oz."

I shook my head. "No, it's not impossible. Mom we've been going out since college. Can't you see we're happy?"

She took a deep breath. "Willow that's not the point. Your father and I have studied a child's mind for years. You do not know of the things your saying."

I stood up and so did Tara. "I think I do. No wait I do know. Mom.."

She quickly grabbed her coat and headed for the door. "Mom wait."

"I think I've heard enough. Wait until your father hears this. You haven't learned anything we've taught you Willow. You've forgotten your manners and I blame Bunny!" She opened the door and slammed it shut behind her.

"Well. That went well didn't it?" I sighed.

current mood: rejected

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Sunday, December 28th, 2003
2:53 pm - NSS: Supersized Kennedy
This spell that Buffy wanted me to do with Tara, was not something I really was looking forward to. Hey does anyone remember when we called upon the First Slayer and how we almost all had our hearts ripped out of our chests? Not to mention the whole kind of creepy dream I had and all, which by the way is not something I wish to repeat.

So calling upon the mystical powers to break long standing traditions of only having one Chosen one or whatever the myth usually says, not my idea of fun to have.

Xander came home though and got his memory back! And normally I'd say this was just part of the commercialization of Christmas and how some of us don't celebrate it but it was a nice Hanukah gift. I'm not sure how Buffy feels. I think she was a bit overwhelmed and way more focused on the fact she was going to have to steal this trident. She's in that whole mode of don't bother me unless it's important. That look that she gets right before we're about to fight. And I believe not die.

Anyway so back to this whole spellage thing. Kennedy came over Buffy's and I started to gather the materials necessary. I think we were going to need a weapon.

"Willow are we all set?" Tara asked me, as she made a casting circle.

I swallowed. "Um, we need one more thing."

Tara looked blankly at me. "What's that?"

"We need something of the Slayer's, kind of a tool. I'm thinking a dagger."

"Oh. I'll go get it from the weapons chest," and then she went in the other room to get it.

I paced around nervously. Kennedy came into the living room. Buffy was watching Katie for us upstairs along with Xander. We couldn't be disturbed while doing this ritual. Dawn popped her head in, "Is this going to make my girlfriend super strong like Buffy? Like another slayer?"

I nodded. "Uh huh." Still with the nerves. "I mean if everything goes as it should. Dawn, Tara and I need to be alone with Kennedy."

Dawn folded her arms. "No way, what if the spell doesn't work and something bad happens to Kennedy. I'm staying right here!"

And that's when Buffy came out. "No you're coming in with Xander and I into the kitchen and watching Katie."

Dawn sighed. "Fine but if my girlfriend turns into a superfreak I'm totally going to.." she stomped her foot. And Kennedy went over and gave her a quick kiss. "It's ok Dawn. I'm sure Willow and Tara know what they are doing." Dawn relented and went into the kitchen.

Tara came back into the room with the dagger. I sighed nervously again, picking up the dagger. "Okay Kennedy, now I just need your hand."

Kennedy looked at me perplexed. "Willow why do you need my hand?"

I looked at her seriously. "The ritual calls for the blood of the one to be chosen to drip across the blade. Your blood is used to channel the other slayers that have come before you. It's the only way. I promise it's just a little cut."

Tara came over trying to reassure Kennedy. "It'll only sting for a moment."

I took Kennedy's hand and made one shallow cut. She pulled her hand quickly away, and winced. "Ow. Remind me I need a band aid." I then motioned for her to sit down in the center. I took the blood of the blade and let it linger slightly on it.

I gave Tara a look acknowledging I was ready and we sat on opposite end of the circle placing the knife next to Kennedy who was still holding her hand. I took Tara's hand. "Ready baby?"

She closed her eyes. "Ready sweetie."

I shut my eyes and I felt Tara's and my energy level off together. We found ourselves on another plane, the energy swirling between us very intensely. I felt my heart begin to race quicker and my breaths ragged. We were calling upon not just the First Slayer but other slayers who came before Buffy and I saw the knife begin to float. "Spirits of the chosen ones, we invoke you, bring the power to a new one. Give her the strength of the chosen."

I felt a surge go through me. Tara called out, "We invoke and implore thee!"

Next thing I knew I felt something go through me, the knife as well, and Kennedy was thrown backwards out of the circle.

Everyone came rushing into the living room. "Did it work?" Buffy said coming in and going over to Kennedy.

Kennedy stood up. "Try to hit me Buffy."

Buffy shrugged and threw her fist back. Kennedy blocked it. "I'd say that's a yes."

Buffy grabbed the dagger and a sword and tossed one sword to Kennedy. "Good now let's go and kill it."

current mood: drained

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Saturday, December 27th, 2003
6:07 pm - SE: I feel so bad!
Oh Journal I've been such a bad girl, I haven't updated in poor you in so long. Really I meant to but Mom didn't want me on the computer, and I couldn't get around my dad either, so here I am.

Being back at school after that really cool holiday isn't much fun. I know we don't get very cold here in Sunnydale, still the days are shorter and it just leaves me feeling kind of blah. I can't put my finger on it, but maybe it has to do with the fact Valentine's Day is in a month and yet again I'm wondering, hello commercialism!

And it's strange but I could've sworn I heard Anya's voice the other day. Now we are sorta getting along better, and I hope she's ok. I should probably get to speaking with her if I can find her!

Xander came over today to watch cartoons as usual. You know since Buffy kissed him for New Year's, I think he's been acting a little strange. Strange in the sense that I think he liked Buffy's kiss. Sigh. Just when I think I'm over this whole kind of crush thing in swoops another girl.

No one knows that I keep planning our wedding. Yes, Xander and I are supposed to get married. At least in my mind. I have figured out how much it'd cost. Given how much weddings cost these days, it'd be a fortune. I guess I better start saving now. But we'll need a lot of things! Food, and cake and oh a wedding dress.

Sometimes I can see Xander still kissing me, but I guess he won't. Journal, I don't know what to do. I mean, I probably shouldn't even be having these feelings but I do. And yet, he won't ever see it. That's it, I think sometimes it's not even worth writing these words about.

So maybe next time I'll write more about it. I think I just wanna go eat some chocolate now.

current mood: lazy

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Sunday, December 14th, 2003
2:16 pm - NSS: The solution at hand
I just got a call from Tara who was at Buffy's. Looks like my baby figured out the way to kill this demon which makes me even prouder of her if that's even possible. Tara doesn't like to show off, but when she does, boy oh boy, it makes this girl's heart kind of well swell with, duh, pride.

Apparently, Tara told me, Buffy wasn't in a very thrilled mood either that Dawn and Kennedy had run off to do well, those things that I like to do with Tara when research gets a bit on the boredom side. Ok, that's a little too much information here probably.

I wished Xander was here or something, he's been in LA so long, but I guess you know those things take longer. I only hoped he was ok somehow. I haven't heard from him in a few days. My guess is something is going on in LA, but I couldn't think about that right that second.

I scooped up Katie, "Mommy where are we going?"

I smiled at her, she always no matter what, had the sweetest kind of intuition. "We're going to Aunt Buffy's house."

"Is she going to yell again at us all?"

I couldn't help but chuckle on the inside. "Not at you sweetie, don't worry. There's just some things we have to discuss and all. Tara found something out, that we all have to talk about."

"Oh, can I color though there?"

I nodded, "You sure can sweetheart." I took the coloring books with us and put them in the car and drove us over to Buffy's. Buffy let us in and she had that look of, no time for small talk Will, time to get down to business. She gave a quick hug to Katie though. Even when things go bad, Buffy always manages to at least try to not let anything get in the way of things with Katie. "Aunt Buffy, I missed you! Thank you for saving me, please don't yell at me!"

Buffy squeezed Katie. "I did too Katie, and no, don't worry I'm not going to yell at you, I promise!"

I whispered to Katie as I put her down. "Katie, can you go in the other room for a little bit and get this coloring done, while your mommies discuss important things with Aunt Buffy?"

She giggled and ran past Tara and went in the kitchen to start coloring.

I sat on the couch and Tara instantly sat next to me. "Ok so Tara told me she found out what is capable of killing Carademerda."

Buffy nodded and paced around. "Yup, seems like our demon here has a trident and I get to go and take it from him and then the big stab and poof, no more demon. However, I need your help, both of you."

My eyes went wide, "What is it?" I squeezed Tara's hand.

"This thing is huge. I'm going to need a bit of some backup and that means Kennedy has to be embued with some Slayer power."

I turned to look at Tara who gave me a quizzotical look, and then back at Buffy. "But Buffy, that involves invoking some pretty higher up powers and I don't even know if that's.."

"Willow, we did it for Adam, why can't we here?"

"Because Buffy that's kind of rewriting.."

She cut me off. "Willow, don't give me the whole chosen one blah blah blah myth. I don't care. If we don't stop this thing, there won't be another chosen one after this. So I don't care what you have to do, but this whole order of things, has to be done. I'm going to find Kennedy and Dawn and when I come back you will embue Kennedy with some extra juice and then we'll go kick this demon's butt once and for all. I'm tired of watching things just happen. I'm the Slayer and no one does this to my town. Got it?"

I swallowed, not wishing to argue. "Got it Buffy." And with that she turned around grabbing her jacket and opened the door and slammed it shut.

I turned and looked at Tara. "She's not happy about the whole sex thing is she?"

Tara sheepishly shrugged. "No, but I think it's other things Will. Come on I guess we better go and open a book too."

Great I thought, guess no movie watching tonight.

current mood: resigned

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